We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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