I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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