There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
