I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think your dad took our porno
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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