Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We need to rekindle our bromance
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
