he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
