tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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