well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
