you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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