Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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