i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
