This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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