Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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