If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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