That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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