Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
