I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
