That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
