your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
