Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
