Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So much rum. So many feels.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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