she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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