i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
