1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
