He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize