ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
