I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
