The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
