So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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