wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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