Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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