That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
