I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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