$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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