hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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