i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
