took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
