Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We got so high we made milksteak
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
