i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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