is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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