i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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