Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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