Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have demons in me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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