Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
