C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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