I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My ATM looks so different sober.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize