you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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