I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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