It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
