I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
