Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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