If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
