She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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