making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
