i think i have two assholes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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