My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
