let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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