you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
