where am i from again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
