Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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