Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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