Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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