i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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