soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
