Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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