I will die if light touches me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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