she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
