Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
