If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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